fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
