dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
