So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
