But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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