your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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