it hurts more in the daytime
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize