dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
