Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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