i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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