I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
