best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
