he shaved USA in his pubs
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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