and she was petting her beer can
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize