I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
