I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
