But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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