I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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