please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
