So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
