Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
