2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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