I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
