the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
