Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
We smell like vodka and hangover
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
