I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
