I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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