he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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