You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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