Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
