Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I wish you could order shots online.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
