made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
she peed on how many people?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
