I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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