My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
