Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
