It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
