I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
it's like iHOP with fire
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Randomize
