I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
