I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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