im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
