I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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