I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
