your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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