The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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