the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
