You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
