I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
