If i come over, it means nothing
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Randomize
