a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
