omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
