from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
