Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
