Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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