I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
