I must be too annoying 4 u.
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
