yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
