No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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