you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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