yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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