I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
