Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
