I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
