i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
