I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize