the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
