I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Such a big mess for such a small penis
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
