I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
