i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
