yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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