finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
