From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
