she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Randomize
