Can i not drive my cunt home
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
