so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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