Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
