I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
