if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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