Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
